Tonight's X Factor recap is from the fab Mink Prisoner!
Lots of controversy before we even get to the singing this week.
Kelly’s allegedly in a snit over Tulisa’s smackdown last week and is staying in LA. The official story is throat infection (Get well soon) Alexandra Burke is announced as a last-minute replacement. Shame Simon didn’t decide to hop on his private jet and come back to the X Factor!
Johnny’s in the papers for claiming incapacity benefit although he’s been shimmying across the stage like a disco diva and someone called Ashley quit The Risk to be replaced by someone from Nu Vibe called Ashford.
The Rhythmix girls had to change their name since a charity already has dibs they will now be called tah dah Little Mix so catchy. Phew! The X Factor PR Dept must be exhausted.
It’s Time. To. Face. The. Music.
Is Halloween the theme? I swear if one of them does thriller it’s all over.
Yes, Halloween is the theme. Maybe Johnny will come out in drag. They’re calling it Fright Night and
Dermot does an ill-advised dance routine with some chicks in catsuits.
Ghostbusters! Tulisa has come dressed as Michelle Pfeiffer in Catwoman Louis is dressed as an ageing gent with inappropriate Tin Tin hair.
Bit of tragic backstory about Ashley dropping out of the band. Sob, sob! It’s the hardest thing he’s had to do in his entire life – dude is lucky! First tears of the night….
Finally, The Risk… It IS all over they are singing Thriller in the manner of zombies. Oh, dear. Judges are deaf though since they are being praised.
Johnny “The People’s Diva” Robinson
That Old Devil Called Love
Louis introduces “The People’s Diva” Johnny the benefit cheat. Allegedly.
It’s that Old Devil Called Love Again with full on chandeliers, he fluffs the lyrics. He has rocks in his eyes apparently. Good job Simon isn’t here.
The judges love it. Gary gives him a hub/kiss and Johnny faints (not really).
I wish he’d done it in drag. It’s quite fun and I love this Billie Holiday song so I’m gonna give Johnny a pass.
Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)
Here we attempt to give Sophie a bit of a backstory. We see her in the pub with her friend. Random people say how she is representing Islington. Whatever. The song is such a poor choice. It’s not even These Boots (Were Made For Walking). Her voice is really great and she looks cute but this song. Just, no.
Gary says she’s one of the best singers (true) but he agrees with me about the song choice. She needs a big showstopper next week.
Not sure about the eye make-up, Marcus. Does this song always sound like Need You Tonight by INXS? He rocked it out. I like Marcus but not loving the song choice either.
Big smiley thumbs-up from all the judges.
Wonder if there’ll be any accusations of bullying tonight? There’s a mea culpa segment. Let’s just get on with the singing. An uptempo version; like the original by Gloria Jones. The creepy puppet dancers are distracting me. The crowd are chanting for her at the end. The judges who criticised her last week are backtracking. Fair enough. Second tears of the night.
Every Breath You Take
Wee Janet. We see her village in Ireland, some kids from a Primary school all saying they love her. A pared-down ballad version. She is dressed as Miss Havisham. It’s haunting all right, maybe not in a good way.Louis gives feedback and his second dodgy Kelly Rowland impression of the night. They all seem to like it. Gary mentions she’s getting a bit predictable; I think he’s right.
Should I Stay Or I Go?
It’s bum tattoo time! He’s looking more debauched as the weeks go by. “Tonight its me, a bed, and a load of fit dancers … and I m just gonna go out there and have it.” His hair looks better. Well, washed at least. I don’t think he’s pulling it off. The “fit dancers” are having a pillow fight. Oh, dear.
Louis gives him a bit of a telling off. Tulisa likes him. Alexandra not so thrilled with his offstage antics either. He don’t care.
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
She’s deluded. That Botox was done with someone by a grudge. She’s spinning on a wheel like the type knife throwers aim at, that’s tempting fate. I love this song, so am biased. I don’t feel like she “smashed it”.
Little Mix (Formerly Rhythmix)
Third tears of the night. The pretty blonde girl is crying because twits are tweeting she’s fat. The girls are on swings but looking spooky. They do Katy Perry’s alien ditty justice. I like them. So do the crowd and the judges.
Set Fire to The Rain
The Scousers are crazy for Craig, including his favourite chip shop, who is outraged “Gary Barlow’s serving him lettuce”. I think Adele songs are to be avoided for the moment; they are too closely identified with her. He does well though.
Everyone loves it.
And the lines are open!
Who I think will go home: The Risk
Who should go home: Frankie
See you for the results tomorrow!